I welcome you all to the first post of 2021. Today, I bring to you a guest who has a personal story to share about sexuality in relationships.
She was once involved in all of it, here you can read the consequences she faced, how she got her relationship on track back to Christ and how possible she is staying sexually pure with her fiance.
Let’s welcome her with a round of applause. Yaaayyyyy
Faithfulwrites: Welcome to faithfulwrites.com
We are so elated to have you ma.
Can we meet you ma?
Ibukun Alli: My name is Alli Ibukunoluwa, a child of God and a freelance writer.
Faithfulwrites: Thank you once again.
What is a purposeful relationship to you? You can give personal examples too ma.
Ibukun Alli: A purposeful relationship is a relationship that has where it is going, a relationship that has God at the center of its affairs. There is a destination when one is in a purposeful relationship. Many relationship lacks destination, our generation likes to catch cruise.
Faithfulwrites: Hehehe, catching cruise. So tell me, are you in a relationship?
Practically, has it always been a purposeful relationship especially in the aspect of sexual purity?
Ibukun Alli: Yes ma ,I’m in a relationship
Ibukun Alli: Honestly, it has not been purposeful from the onset. We just met and we liked each other and started dating . When my fiance went to serve, he joined NCCF(God bless this family of God) and that was where our deliverance started.
He saw things differently, he rededicated his life to God and God was dealing with me too where I was. We decided to pray for the so called relationship we have, so we can know whether to cut it off or continue. We did and we got the go ahead differently.
So we decided to sail the relationship based on what we heard but we were struggling. It was from one prayer of forgiveness to another cause we kept fornicating.
Faithfulwrites: Hmmm, even after deciding not to?
Ibukun Alli: Since he was a member of NCCF, he was able to get hold of himself and decided to pray for my own genuine salvation. I was always drawing him back, many times I have asked him to move on since it was looking like my mind won’t be renewed on sexual Purity.
It took me 2 good years to get totally renewed on sexual Purity. I was speaking in tongues, I do so many other things but I was fighting with this my stale and corrupted knowledge on sexual Purity. I see the message on SP as condemnation and damnation. I avoided people that preached it. But one day I sat down in my room, I was studying and I came across a statement that says God’s standard is the same forever, nothing changes it.
I told myself this is the Word of the Lord for me and I rededicated my life to Christ and that was the last time.
Faithfulwrites: Hmmn. This is deep! I am sure the readers are getting something from the story.
Faithfulwrites: Has there been temptations? Anyone you fell into and how you overcame after? You can give examples if led to share
Ibukun Alli: There had been many temptations I fell into and I dragged my fiance into too. I remember on our birthday(we shared the same day and month)
Ibukun Alli: Smiles, he was waiting on the Lord and I badly wanted us to be together (I had no sexual intentions). I persuaded him to come and I told him it’s just to see him and spend time together to celebrate the birthday. After much plea, he came over and we started talking and I asked him to profess his love.
He said he doesn’t have to be saying things that gets the atmosphere somehow since we are both alone. I felt bad and I assumed he was just being too religious as I’m a Christan too. So he decided to profess his love and I was also requesting for physical toucg, the whole thing was boring to me. “How can you be professing your love and you won’t touch the person?”
From touching to kissing and from kissing to doing the do and that was how I ended his fast oh.
Faithfulwrites: Wow! How do you stay on guard individually because sometimes one person is truly wanting it and how did you both work it out together ? Just like you said, you were drawing him back
Ibukun Alli: The truth is I felt bad and I condemned myself immediately, but the things I watched, gave my attentions to, gave me the wrong definition or template of a godly relationship.
Ibukun Alli: I was hearing the truth from different corners for 2 years but my ears were shut to it. Honestly ma, it was too hard to swallow, It was hard to believe I can walk in that truth, I felt it’s stale and we can adjust the truth to what I feel is the truth.
I believe I was going to get married to my fiance and I was already 25 so what’s there to wait for?
Ibukun Alli: How did we stay on guard individually?
To say the truth, he lost guard at some point too, I had so much influenced him that he started fighting it. When I already decided to face the reality of sexual Purity, I went back to God and started praying, read books on sexual Purity and how I can keep my body holy. There was a renewal of my mind that all sexual Purity messages are not condemnation messages, no matter how much they hurt, they are just a pointer to the truth.
I accepted my wrong doings, this part ehn is vital, many people engaging in sexual immorality find it hard to accept that they are wrong, we are always quick to justify our doing. But I accepted I was wrong and I needed help.
We both went on a retreat and decided to look up those who have walked on this path with SP in their heart.
Ibukun Alli: We also refined and defined the relationship. We set goals and we spark good conversation. We still profess love and the relationship is a very romantic one.
I allowed Worldly films, music and things define what goes on in my relationship for too long but when we both decided to make godly things the things we looked up to, SP was much easier to achieve. There is a lot to be done in a relationship than mushy mushy part. There is just too much to plan ahead for during the long hour calls than talking about what you eat and blah blah blah.
Faithfulwrites: Are there some consequences of falling into premarital enjoyment?
Ibukun Alli: Luckily for us, we escaped unwanted pregnancy and STD but we didn’t escaped spiritual retrogression, it was just obvious we weren’t doing something right. We were falling in and out of depression. Lastly there was no peace in the relationship. I can tell you for free, we lacked peace because the relationship was just going off and on like Nepa light.
Faithfulwrites: Hmmmn! This is common in our age now.
Faithfulwrites: Hahaha, what do we say to some people who are scared they won’t find someone who wants sexual purity and are tempted to compromise their standard, what is your advice ma?
Ibukun Alli: My advise to them is not to compromise. There are still 400 prophets that didn’t bow to Baal, this simply means there is a guy out there that will appreciate them for who they are, it’s not worth it. I have been there before and I can tell you for free that we have guys that are different, they respect and appreciate women.
Faithfulwrites: Great, are there challenges you’ve faced while taking your stand, from friends, family, etc?
Ibukun Alli: Challenges I faced while taking my stand from friends and family are;
1. My extended family believed I’m old enough to get married and they are expecting a grandchild, so they advised that I should get pregnant so we can have our engagement and get married sharply. My immediate family are supportive, I told them my stand and they consented to it. I clearly told my extended family my stand and I told them when it’s time, all they want will be done.
Sometimes I don’t pick some calls from them cause I know what they want to say. I’m not rude to them but I avoid some of them.
Ibukun Alli: For friends, my inner circle are superb. Some of my friends didn’t believe me, they felt it’s old school and they said it to my face that we(myself and my fiance) were deceiving ourselves.
People have come to my DM to say I am a liar because of my pasts and deceiving people blah blah. I lost friends, people I used to be very close with, moved away from me but God replaced them with people that we shared the same belief.
It was hard honestly, infact I was shy at first, I refused to speak out about SP. I joined the conversation that it’s not possible while in my heart, I knew it was possible. It’s just God
Faithfulwrites: Hmmmn, Kaya
This just emphasizes that confession of the mouth can deepen our convictions
Ibukun Alli: Thanks ma for having me
Faithfulwrites: Thanks for coming on board with us ma.
God will continually uphold you both and we will rejoice with you soon. This example of yours will be a mighty ministry . We will keep sharing the story. I celebrate you ma
Faithfulwrites: Any last word for us to round off?
Ibukun Alli: I celebrate you too ma
Ibukun Alli: One great thing I learnt from this my experience is that God’s standard can never change. You posted a scripture this morning, it says ‘they will find for themselves a teacher’, honestly I literally stopped hearing any teaching or preaching on SP and I paid my attention to people who talked about how we can adjust things, that God isn’t a wicked God.
My word for everyone is that God’s standard can never change, and we find his mind for everything in his words.
Faithfulwrites: This has been profound. We appreciate you alot ma and can’t wait to finally rejoice with you. This union will be blessed with signs and wonders.
Dear readers, you have seen for yourself, believing you can stand no matter what the world says.
I will also like to read from you concerning this topic. Let’s see you in the comment section.
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YouTube: Faith Adegboye